Growing Through It: Teen Love, Accountability & The Conversations We Need to Have

After watching the Mackenzie Shirilla case at 17 years old, in my opinion, she showed a lot of narcissistic traits. It felt like she isolated her boyfriend, Dom, and when she wasn’t getting her way, things escalated into something tragic. They had an off-and-on relationship, and after watching the case and listening to her parents speak, I kept thinking… somewhere along the line, something was missed.

She got 15 to life, and for me personally, it didn’t feel like enough. Especially now with the Netflix documentary, seeing how animated she appeared and hearing the phone calls being released. Listening to them, I personally didn’t hear remorse. It came across more like she was adjusting to her environment than reflecting on what happened.

Then there’s Jahara Malik, 18, who got 17 years for stabbing her boyfriend, Yahkeim “Kemo.” Again, another teenage relationship, another off-and-on situation, and still speculation about whether they were together at that time or not.

Watching Jahara’s body cam footage, what stood out to me was how calm she appeared. There was blood on her hands, but her focus seemed to be on what would happen to her next. I didn’t see concern for anyone else in that moment. Again, my personal opinion after watching.

What also stuck with me was hearing that they used to play fight. Do they? And why are teenagers normalizing play fighting? Play fighting can turn into real fighting faster than people realize.

Teenagers are still developing emotionally and mentally. They’re often focused on attraction, attention, appearances, and wanting to be loved, but not always recognizing unhealthy dynamics or understanding their own emotions yet. You’re still learning yourself, and now trying to carry somebody else’s emotions too.

Do we blame the parents? That’s complicated. Parents matter, accountability matters, and choices matter too.

Could people this young change and rebuild their lives one day? Possibly. People grow. But accountability has to exist too.

This is why it’s so important to create spaces for teen girls to learn about healthy relationships, emotional regulation, red flags, boundaries, and what toxic relationships can look like before things escalate.

Make sure you grab Growing Through It, Bestie — a journal/book created for Black teen girls filled with real-life stories, lessons, and prompts designed to help you think deeper, ask questions, and grow through what you go through.