Grieving a Love That Still Breathes

Grieving someone you love so deeply while they’re still alive is one of the hardest things a person can go through. You question yourself and the decisions you made. Then, in the middle of all that pain, you learn to give yourself grace.

You knew the signs. You saw the signs. Everything was right there in front of you, but you ignored them because, in your heart of hearts, you wanted to love him through anything.

Grieving someone who is still alive is an emotional roller coaster. There are lows where you think about them, miss them, and even yearn for them. But deep down, you know you can’t go back, no matter how much you may want to, because it could destroy you. Putting your feelings aside, carrying constant stress, and making yourself sick just to hold on to someone who doesn’t truly want to be with you is not love—it’s self-abandonment.

I can’t wait until I reach the other side of no longer grieving him. Until then, I’m going to give myself grace, take it one day at a time, and choose myself, even on the hard days.

Today is the day You Choose YOU!

Today is the day you take yourself back.

Today is the day you stand on business - ten toes down - about YOU.

Today is the day you forgive, and you let it go. And I mean LET IT GO!

Today is the day you take back your power, your energy, your love, your compassion, and your sympathy, because it’s no longer needed there. Reroute all of it back to yourself.

Love you more.

Care for you more.

Depend on yourself more.

Treat people the way you want to be treated, and if they can’t give you that same care and respect, MOVE ON.

Today is the day you see you again.

The Wounds Left Behind

Betrayal cuts differently depending on who cause it. A parent’s betrayal can shake the foundation of who you are, because parents are often the first place we learn safety, trust, love, and protection. When that trust is broken, it can feel like the ground underneath you were never solid to being with.

A partner’s betrayal can feel like the death of the future you believed in. Especially in a marriage or deep commitment, you build of life, a home, children, memories, promises. When someone cheats, abuses, manipulates, or harms you after you gave them your loyalty and vulnerability, it can feel like your reality was stolen from you.

What you described goes beyond ordinary heartbreak. Abuse, repeated betrayal, manipulation, violence, and someone trying to take your life after you chose to leave that creates deep trauma. The confusion afterward is real because the mind keeps asking: How could someone who said they loved me do this?

The hard truth is this: some people do not love in a healthy or safe way. Love without accountability, empathy, honesty, or protection is not love in the way it should be.

Can you come back from betrayal? Sometimes relationships survive betrayal when there is genuine accountability, radical honesty, sustained change, safety, and remorse. But when abuse, violence, chronic cheating, manipulation, or attempts to harm you are involved, the question often stops being “Can the relationship be saved?” and become “How do I save myself?”

Forgiveness is also misunderstood. Forgiveness does not mean:

• pretending it did not happen

• reconciling with unsafe people

• allowing access to you again

• excusing abuse

• carrying the burden for what they chose to do

Sometimes forgiveness is simply releasing the grip the pain has on your nervous system, so it no longer controls your life every day. Sometimes it means accepting that you may never get the apology, accountability, or justice you deserved.

Moving on is rarely one dramatic moment. It is usually small acts repeated over time:

• believing what happened was real

• grieving the person, you thought they were

• rebuilding trust in yourself

• learning that survival was not weakness

• creating safety

• allowing yourself to feel anger, sadness, confusion, relief

• understanding that leaving took courage

And one of the deepest wounds after betrayal is self-betrayal the pain of realizing how much you ignored, tolerated, explained away, or endured trying to save someone else. Healing often begins there: learning to choose yourself again.

You asked, “How can you ever repair that?” Some things are repaired. Some things leave scars. Some things end. But people do heal. Not by erasing what happened, but by rebuilding themselves around truth instead of illusion.

What happen to you was profound betrayal. The fact that you survived it matters.

Was That Love?

Love is love… but was that love?

At 13, passing notes, stealing glances, heart racing over a hallway smile - was that love or was that me chasing a feeling I didn’t have the words for yet?

At 14, calling it forever after two weeks, crying over silence, mistaking attention for intention - was that love, or was that me wanting to be chosen?

At 15, 16, 17… holding on tight the more it hurt, excusing what should been a warning, calling it “ride or die” when it was really losing myself piece by piece.

I thought I was in love. I said it with my whole chest. Felt it in my whole body. But love… real love… doesn’t look like confusion. It doesn’t feel like betrayal on repeat. It doesn’t require you to shrink just to stay.

I was young. I didn’t know the difference between being seen and being valued.

I lusted.

I attached.

I hoped.

And every red flag? I painted it pink and called it passion.

We were kids trying to play grown, building forever on a foundation we didn’t even understand.

And then life said - “Pay attention.”

Because the same boy who showed me who he was at 13 never changed at 18. I just kept calling it love instead of calling it what it was.

And maybe that’s the truth we don’t say out loud enough: Just because it felt deep doesn’t mean it was love. Just because you stayed doesn’t mean it was right. Just because they chose you doesn’t mean they valued you.

And love? Love doesn’t start with them.

It starts with YOU!

Because if I had loved me more - I would’ve walked away sooner. If I had known me more - I wouldn’t have settled for less.

But growth sounds like this: “I see it now.”

And healing looks like this: “I choose me now.”

So, no - that wasn’t love.

But it taught me what love will never be again.

And Suddenly

And suddenly—

they called it sudden.

Like healing just knocked on my door and I answered on the first try.

But what they didn’t see was the nights that stretched longer than my faith, the mornings where breathing felt like a chore I didn’t apply for.

They didn’t see me folding into myself like a letter never sent, silently asking, “Will I ever feel like me again?”

And suddenly—

I came out of depression.

But truth is, I crawled. I clawed. I begged the dark to loosen its grip one finger at a time.

And suddenly—

I picked myself up. Not in one motion, not gracefully, but in pieces— a spine rebuilt from whispered affirmations, knees strengthened by “just try again.”

And suddenly—

I left my partner.

But that “suddenly” was stitched together with red flags I tried to paint pink; with apologies I accepted just to keep the peace while losing my own.

I didn’t just leave— I chose me in a room where I forgot I existed.

And suddenly—

I left that toxic work environment.

Where my worth was measured by how much of myself, I was willing to abandon. Where I smiled through disrespect and called it professionalism.

No more. I clocked out of shrinking.

And suddenly—

I found peace.

Not the loud kind, not fireworks— but quiet. Soft. The kind that lets you sit with yourself without needing to escape.

And suddenly—

I found me.

Buried under expectations, under survival mode, under “be strong” when I really needed to be held.

I found her—

still there, still worthy, still mine.

And suddenly—

I forgave my God.

For the silence, for the waiting, for the “why me” that echoed unanswered.

I realized— maybe I wasn’t abandoned.

Maybe I was being carried through a version of myself I was never meant to stay in.

And suddenly—

I am healing.

Not healed. Not finished. But blooming in places I once bled.

And suddenly—

I understand… nothing about this was sudden.

It was survival. It was courage. It was choosing, over and over again, to stay.

And suddenly—

I am still here.

Keep Going

Today was heavy the kind that sits in your chest and refuses to move.

The kind of day where truth shows up uninvited, and the mask fall off people you once called home.

It hurts not just a little, but deep. The kind of hurt that teaches you who was just passing through.

Believe them. Not the words they said before but the actions they showed you now.

And still… pick yourself up.

Piece by piece, breathe by breath, tear by tear gather you.

Because sometimes strangers will hold you together better than blood ever could.

And that truth? It’s painful but it’s freeing too.

At the end of the day, you are your own safe place. Your own foundation. Your own strength.

So, rely on you. Trust you. Choose you.

And no matter how hard it gets - keep going.

You’ve made it through 100% of your worst days. This one doesn’t get to break you.

You got this.

And even in the quiet love yourself through it.

Together, We Rise - An Invitation to the Bestie Tribe Community

Hello Bestie,

There’s a space waiting for you. A space where your voice matters. Where your story is honored. Where your strength is seen even on the days you don’t feel strong.

The Bestie Tribe Community was created with you in mind.

We are calling on women of color from all walks of life women who are building, healing, navigating, creating, and becoming. Whether you are in a season of growth, transition, or simply searching for a place to belong, this community is here to meet you with open arms.

Here, we don’t compete - we connect.

We don’t tear down - we uplift.

We don’t walk alone - we walk together.

Together, we rise.

Together, we empower.

Together, we create.

Together, we become.

Together, we thrive.

This is more than a community it’s a sisterhood rooted in purpose, support, and real connection. A place where you can show up as you are and still be encouraged to grow into everything, you’re meant to be.

If you’ve been looking for your people. . . this is your invitation.

Come join us.

Come build with us.

Come be a part of something bigger than yourself.

We’re saving you a seat.

With love and purpose,

The Bestie Tribe Community

International Women’s Day 2026

To the women who are tired but still show up… to the women who have cried but still rise…

Keep going

When the world tells you to shrink, stand taller. When doubt whispers your name, answer with courage. When fear tried to sit beside you, remind it who you are.

Fight for yourself

Love on yourself

Speak up for yourself

Choose yourself

There is nothing selfish about survival. There is nothing wrong with wanting peace. There is nothing weak about needing support.

In 2026, and beyond, women supporting women is not optional; it’s necessary. It’s powerful. It’s life-changing.

So, link arms. Fix each other’s crowns. Say the hard things. Protect your joy. And never apologize for taking up space.

We here at Bestie Tribe stand with you. We believe in you. We are rooting for you.

Love you long time. Be safe. Take care. And whatever you do – don’t give up!

Happy February!

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and this month feels especially meaningful.

Two years ago, I began working on a project close to my heart. Along the way, life happened, and the project was placed on pause. At the beginning of February, I felt a gentle but clear nudge to return to it and finish what I started.

Growing Through It, Bestie is thoughtfully created journal for black teen girls, designed to offer encouragement, reflection, and a safe space to grow through life’s changes. We are now in the final stages, and I’m excited to share more very soon.

Thank you for your continued love and support. Please stay connected and follow along as this journey unfolds.

FB/IG/TikTok @bestietribecommunity

February Is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

February is often associated with love, but it’s also an important time to talk about healthy love. Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month is a reminder that respect, safety, and boundaries should always be part of any relationship; especially for teens who are still learning what love looks like.

Teen dating violence can include emotional, verbal, physical, or digital abuse, and it often starts with small red flags like controlling behavior, jealousy, pressure, or isolation from friends and family. These signs are sometimes mistaken for “care” or “love,” which is why education and open conversations matter.

This month, we encourage teens to learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, speak up when something doesn’t feel right, and know that help is always available. Love should never hurt, scare, or silence you. Awareness saves lives; and every teen deserves a love that feels safe, supportive, and respectful.

P.S. Be on the lookout for our new journal, Growing Through It, Bestie created to support, encourage, and remind black teen girls they’re not alone on their journey.