I Wasn’t Crazy… I Was Being Manipulated!

As I listen to more of these jail calls with Jarvis Butts and all of the women involved, I notice something many of us have in common. No, I don’t have the criminal allegations in common with them, but I do relate to something else: the abuse.

I’m talking about the psychological, verbal, and emotional abuse.

That’s where so many of us can relate because I’ve been there too. My situation didn’t involve a man in jail, but it involved the day-to-day reality of being with someone who constantly talked down to me and made me feel like I was never enough. You think you’re doing everything right, but somehow it’s still not good enough for a person like that. You find yourself confused, wondering what is happening and what you’re doing wrong.

Then comes the manipulation. They turn everything around on you. They make you feel responsible for things they actually did.

I remember one situation so vividly. I was in the process of trying to figure out who a white woman was in a picture with my now-deceased sister-in-law. I had questions, and I was trying to understand the situation. We got into an argument at his mother’s house while our children were there.

On the drive home, he was furious because I was asking questions. He was driving my car and speeding recklessly. Looking back, he could have killed all of us - himself, me, and our children - because he was angry that I was uncovering a lie.

Yes, his sister had recently passed away, and he may have been under a tremendous amount of stress. But that doesn’t excuse what happened.

As the days went on, they held his sister’s services, and I wasn’t invited. Not at all.

I share this because, ladies, we don’t have to settle.

Many of us have settled in the past, but it’s time to wake up and realize that we are okay without a man. Matter of fact, we’re okay without a woman too. We are enough on our own. We will be okay.

We need to value ourselves more and recognize the cycle of manipulation, emotional abuse, and mental anguish. Growing up, I was taught that if a man didn’t hit you, it wasn’t abuse. But nobody talked about the psychological damage. Nobody talked about the gaslighting, the constant criticism, the mind games, or being made to feel like you’re losing your sanity.

People say, “It’s just an argument.”

No, it’s not!

It’s someone talking down to you. It’s someone gaslighting you. It’s someone making you feel crazy when you’re not. It’s someone trying to control the narrative because they’re losing control of the game they’ve been playing. And when we finally start speaking up for ourselves, they can’t handle it.

Ladies, let’s wake up! Let’s find ourselves. Let’s make ourselves happy.

And if you find a man or a woman who genuinely loves you, who doesn’t gaslight you, who doesn’t make you feel crazy, who doesn’t wear you down, and who doesn’t throw your vulnerabilities back in your face during difficult moments, then that may be the person for you.

But until then, heal. Find happiness within yourself. Learn to love yourself first so you can create a better life for yourself.

Love you always. ❤️