When Black Women Cry for Help, Who Hears Us?

As a Black woman who has personally experienced domestic violence and witnessed it within my own family, I know all too well what domestic violence looks like. I also know how difficult it can be for Black women to find the resources, protection, housing, food, financial assistance, and support they need when trying to survive and leave an abusive situation.

That is one of the reasons I started QDF | Bestie Tribe in 2018.

At the time, my best friend was experiencing domestic violence. I tried to help her get away, and for a few days, I did. Eventually, she made the decision to return to the relationship, and to this day, she is still with him.

For my own mental health and safety, I eventually had to let that friendship go.

That was one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn: I can love you. I can help you. I can stand beside you. But I cannot continuously put my own life and well-being on the line when you continue returning to a dangerous situation.

And I also understand that leaving is not as simple as people make it sound.

Where are you going to live? How are you going to feed your children? What happens when you don't have money? Who is going to protect you? What happens when your abuser violates a restraining order? What happens when you've called for help over and over again and still don't feel safe?

Black women are too often expected to endure.

We're told, "Don't break up your family."  

"Where are you going to go?"  

"You don't have any money."  

"What are you going to do with all those kids?"

Meanwhile, Black women continue to experience devastating levels of intimate-partner violence, and too many of their stories receive little attention until it is too late.

That is why it is painful to watch the enormous differences in public sympathy, media attention, fundraising, and support that women can receive depending on who they are. Every case has its own facts and circumstances, and those differences matter. But we should still be willing to ask difficult questions about race, motherhood, mental health, postpartum mental illness, domestic violence, self-defense, policing, and how our justice system treats Black women.

We are asking those questions in the case of Latarsha Sanders.

We are asking them when we see Black women facing devastating circumstances while struggling to receive the same compassion, resources, financial support, and presumption of humanity that the public readily extends to others.

QDF Bestie Tribe stands with Latarsha Sanders.

And through our TikTok page, A Sista's Love, a branch of QDF Bestie Tribe, we are committed to bringing awareness to domestic violence and honoring victims whose stories too often go unnoticed.

We specifically create memorials recognizing members of BIPOC communities because their names and stories deserve to be remembered. Their families deserve to know that somebody sees them. Their communities deserve to know that somebody cares.

We want every BIPOC woman experiencing domestic violence to hear this:

You are loved.  

You matter.  

Your story matters.  

You deserve safety.  

And we stand beside you.

We are also following the case of a pregnant Chicago woman who reportedly had sought protection from her former partner before a fatal confrontation. Her story raises yet another painful question: What is a woman supposed to do when she repeatedly asks for protection and still does not feel protected?

These are conversations we cannot continue to ignore.

QDF Bestie Tribe stands with Black women.

We stand with survivors.

We stand with the women whose stories make the news, and especially with the women whose names never make the headlines.

We stand with the women still trying to leave.

We remember the women who never got the chance.

And through A Sista's Love, we will continue saying their names, sharing their stories, honoring their lives, and demanding that Black and Brown women receive the protection, resources, compassion, and support they deserve.

We see you. We hear you. We believe you. And you will not be forgotten.

— QDF Bestie Tribe | A Sista's Love